i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My ass is underappreciated
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
