The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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