ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
