a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
