according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
