worst night to have a conscience
tonight lets celebrate not being married
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
