I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
