This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Shame is for Republicans.
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