Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
