Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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