on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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