you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
