Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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