I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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