i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
