i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Randomize
