He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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