i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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