wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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