i need an iv and a liver transplant
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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