On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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