first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
