woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
