im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
