do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
