Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
