A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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