Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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