Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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