Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
