her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
