We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
