why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so let's talk penis.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
