Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
