Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
