all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
