Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
