i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
