I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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