Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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