I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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