I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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