Little spoons don't ask big questions
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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