Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
