Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
