I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
