Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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