The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
