and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
