You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
